I am hallow

This past week has been rough.

Monday: I went for a pre-op appointment. The sweet girl let me know that she had a D & C once, I’d be OK. It happened for a reason, I’ll get my baby someday. That  doesn’t make it any easier. Made it harder. Fortunately, I had no co-pay. Not sure that’s the right thing to say. Signed lots of papers, but the one that was the roughest was whether or not I wanted the doctor to take the remains to test or if I wanted them sent to a funeral home. I don’t know how to answer that. After the horror and fear that the DR put in me after meeting him, I am thinking TEST!! BUT the heartache that I feel tells me that to properly say goodbye to the child that we have been waiting seven years for, that we had been excited for and celebrating for past two months can not be discarded so easily.

Tuesday: D & C day. Get to the hospital bright and early. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight was rough. I know what I am here for, but that doesn’t change that I am still pregnant and that I am starving. Letting that nurse poke me, trying to find a vein for an IV was less than fun. We will get into the needles later. Basic lame talk from the dr when he showed up, I am taken back. Finally placed under for a few moments, and BAM I am back in the recovery room. My lady parts aren’t feeling good, but I guess that was expected. I have a sweet nurse. What was unexpected is that my left hand hurts. I look down and in the back of my hand is a second IV. I still have the original one, but as out of it as I am I forget about it. For a little bit. Doctor finally comes in, lets me know that he got everything out. It was a molar pregnancy. Don’t try to get pregnant for at least a year. The second IV was started to give me a blood transfusions, because I lost one and a half liters of blood. He has to leave town, so because I did well I should be able to go home within the hour. He’ll see me in a few weeks for my follow up. With that, he leaves. About twenty minutes later, the nurse has me get up to walk to the bathroom. Once I pee, I can go. I sit on the toilet and blink… and when I open my eyes I am on the floor. I passed out. The nurse helps me back to bed and finally lets in Hubby.

A different doctor comes in, lets me know she talked to the one that did the procedure and he wants to admit me over night. My vitals are to be taken every two hours and CBC every four. I was to be on a serious amount of saline, four bags so far. Once I am finally moved to my room, I tell my husband to go home. He had to work the grave that night. I’ll be OK. I will see you in the morning. Hug, hug, kiss, kiss.

You don’t need the details of that day. It was rough in just about every way it could be. Being at the end of the section, the nurses were not very cooperative, responsive or friendly. The lovely IV was placed in the bend of my arm, so about every twenty minutes for HOURS the alarm went off. When the nurse came in for my fourth blood draw and unteenth IV alarm, I insisted on a new location for my IV. The IV that had been started in my hand had blown hours earlier and the ignored alarm had set off my last nerve. She sent for the IV ultrasound machine and went about her day. The radiation lady spent over two hour searching and poking me. Finally, I said that if she didn’t find a vein this time, I WAS DONE. No more tries, no more fluids. Just rest. I guess, luckily she found one. Unfortunately WITH all that poking, I had missed dinner. A nurse found me a sandwich. yea. OH, and they had to cut my hospital bracelet off because I was so swollen it was cutting unto my skin.

Wednesday: I did not get a lot of sleep. With the constant checks, vitals, blood draws and trips to the bathroom sleep was not possible. Bright and early, the main Dr came in to tell me that my four a.m. blood draw looked good. I can shower and go. ‘Can the IV come out?!Yes. Minutes later the nurse came in for my vitals and I let her know that it could be removed, I was going home. Get in the shower, unattended. That is a big deal because I was a fall risk having passed out. TWO attendants were suppose to be with me every time I was out of bed. I want it to be noted that I was only supervised once in the whole time I was there. As I am getting out of the shower, there is a knock on the door and my Hubby was there! Man, I was glad. I needed him. Given generic instructions and stupid prescriptions we go.

When we got home, we immediately crawled in bed. WE were both asleep by 9 a.m. We slept until 3 p.m., ate lunch and went back to bed until 7 p.m.

Thursday: Did not do much. Didn’t have the energy too.

Friday: Felt a bit better. Well, until all the phone calls started. First the nurse from recovery called to check on me. ‘Yeah, I am feeling better. Yes, I will call my doctor with any questions. Of course I will come back if I feel like anything is wrong. Thanks for calling.‘ Worst part about this conversation was it was all lies. I was feeling fine, but other than that lied. Next, a representative from my PCP to see it I had seen the doctor that did the procedure. Yes. Lost blood, stayed over night in hospital. Shouldn’t you already know this?! I will come in (LIE!) if I feel bad. Did I mention that each time someone called they reminded me of my follow up appointment on different days and times?

NEXT, the woman from Pathology. My blood work looked good. The tissue was tested, and it was normal. Huh? Was not cancerous or genetically irregular. OK… It WAS NOT A MOLAR PREGNANCY. Just a simple miscarriage, ??!? You can try to get pregnant again once your doctor has released you to have sex. Dr is referring you to a specialist for a consultation and testing because you have MS. As she hangs up, I am confused. AND angry. Why would he lie to me or tell me something if he didn’t know for sure. I don’t like this doctor. Rash, heartless, rude. I didn’t choose to see him, definitely not under these circumstances. i don’t need you telling me that it happens all the time. This is the first time it has EVER HAPPENED TO ME! I don’t care if you are going to refer me to a specialist because I am high risk.

Later that day, I receive an email with medical records updates. I log into my account and start reading: ‘and she also received 800 mg of Cytotec which was administered rectally.’ WAIT! I never hears any mention of this drug. I had to google it to find out what it was. This is what I found out:

  • Misoprostol, sold under the brand name Cytotec among others, is a medication used to start labor, cause an abortion, prevent and treat stomach ulcers, and treat postpartum bleeding due to poor contraction of the uterus.
  • For abortions it is often used with mifepristone or methotrexate.
  • By itself effectiveness for this purpose is between 66% and 90%.
  • It is taken either by mouth, under the tongue, or placed in the vagina.
  • Common side effects include diarrhea and abdominal pain. It is pregnancy category X meaning that it is known to result in negative outcomes for the baby if taken during pregnancy. Uterine rupture may occur. It is a prostaglandin analogue — specifically, a synthetic prostaglandin E1 (PGE1).
  • Misoprostol is commonly used for labor induction. It causes uterine contractions and the ripening (effacement or thinning) of the cervix. It can be less expensive than the other commonly used ripening agent, dinoprostone.
  • Oxytocin has long been used as the standard agent for labor induction, but does not work well when the cervix is not yet ripe. Misoprostol also may be used in conjunction with oxytocin.
  • Between 2002 and 2012, a misoprostol vaginal insert was studied, and was approved in the EU. It was not approved for use in the USA, and the US FDA still considers cervical ripening and labor induction to be outside of the approved uses for misoprostol


I feel like this was something that should have been mentioned. Why didn’t he say anything about it? AND why was it administered rectally?! How… I feel violated. I keep reading: I should also mention that the patient’s type and screen was changed to a type and cross for 2 units when the blood loss appeared to be excessive, but the patient was stable throughout the surgery, was not hypotensive or tachycardic and so the decision was made to wait for a CBC in the recovery room prior to making any decision about transfusion. The stable vital signs along with the lack of ongoing bleeding and especially the fact that the patient had a preoperative hemoglobin of 14.2, all contributed to deciding not to transfuse in the operating room. Lastly, the blood loss of 1500 was arrived at because one canister was full with 1000, another canister had 200. There was about 100 in the _____ and another 200 on gauze pads and the glove that was attached to the  posterior weighted speculum. HUH! YOU SAID!! Why would you say that I needed a transfusion if I was never given one?! Really don’t like this man. What was suppose to fill in that blank?

I can not imagine how this week would have been without my Hubby. I know I have a good man, and beyond wonderful care giver, but after everything that has happened I feel blessed. Rented me funny movies, made me my favorite snacks, held my hand constantly. His strength is making me stronger. I am feeling better. No more lady pains, heartache is lessening. Not feeling so light headed, getting caught up on sleep. NOT sure if I ever want to see that DR again. I am sure that I am overreacting, but being that I have not received the best care from him I am hesitant.

A new week is starting, and I am feeling hopeful. Which is amazing…


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