Oh, the days.

I was going to write this beautiful post about all the things, good and bad that have happened to myself over the last year. THEN I realized that would take a while. Not that I have something better to do, just thought I would reevaluate the idea. I will, however still be listing the last year. 365 things … not quite sure about that number. Regardless…

  1. I am still me. Not better, just different.
  2. My husband still says sweet things to me. Classics have been that ‘you’re as soft as a car’ or ‘you’re beautiful in the dark’. Hard to improve on such romantic statements, last night you ‘don’t have the forehead wrinkles you should for your age’.
  3. Celebrating my surgery date, I ate pizza. Previously it would of been four slices, bread sticks and a coke. This year, one whole thin crust slice and not an ounce of a beverage.
  4. That brings me to my next point. Learning how not to drink with a meal was a tough one, but now it is weird to try. My stomach won’t like it, my head yells at me and my inner dialogue is proud.
  5. There is a overwhelming since of pride when I shop for clothes now. Not having to look for specialty stores or sections is liberating. Yesterday I was looking at tights and I was able to get the ones on sale because I fit into the fancy chart on the back. I was between 5’7 and 6′ and weighted between 160 and 240.
  6. As you all saw, I am different. My drivers license picture proved that. It catches me off-guard seeing pictures of my self, whether recent or old. I don’t feel like either one of the them looks like me. Problem is that I have no idea what I am suppose to look like.
  7. With all the changes we have made in the last year, moving away from friends and family has been one of the biggest. It has been liberating having a fresh slate. Not being the fat friend, sister or whatever is great.
  8. With that, I have to say that I do not regret not telling people that I was having surgery. There are a few people that I did tell that I kind of regretted. It should not matter what I did or how I did it, just that I did.
  9. I have became a different kind of judgmental. Not to sound like a jerk, but I see people young and old that I think ‘WOW, they would and could benefit from weight loss surgery.’ I just want to spread what I can.
  10. I have started to stand up for myself. Can not say that I did that before, I was the middle kid so I always make peace. Avoid confrontation at all cost. Be the shoulder for people to cry or vent one and do not have feelings, emotions or demands in return.
  11. As some of you may know, finding out you have MS is tough. Learning to live with it is harder. Good days or bad, you have to figure it all out as you go. Life is like that now. I have more energy, is it MS DMD related or losing a bunch of weight related?! Have started a new race if you will, and I can not wait to see the outcome.
  12. I am a different kind of happy now. Silly as it seems, I was never unhappy. Just now the sun shines a little brighter, the milk taste better and my husband is cuter.
  13. Setting goals over the last year and a half was difficult. Reaching those goals, not as hard as I thought. NOW, I have a notebook full of goals, with rewards (none food) and a time line. It has rubbed off on the man. Once a month we check the book, make notes and cross off whatever we have finished. Some ahead of schedule, others not even close. Either way, we are doing it together.
  14. A friend of mine told me that after she had her gastric that she has  less confidence. A year later, I understand what she meant. When I was a big girl, I was comfortable in my skin. Confidence was one thing I was never lacking. If you didn’t like me or the way I looked, look another direction. BUT it is different now. Not sure how to explain it unless you have been there.
  15. BECAUSE of the previous statement, I am never sure how to respond to people. If that was a good look, sweet comment or genuine smile.
  16.  It makes me crazy when people call me skinny mini or comment on how small I am getting, that I should stop losing weight. Make up your mind, people. News flash, I am not doing this for you or anyone else. I am here because of me and for me.
  17. I have noticed that some of my relationships have changed. Friends and family; some are better and others not so much. In the long run it’ll be their loss to walk away because of my loss.
  18. My relationship with food is better now. Not yet great, but seriously working towards it being.
  19. I need a bra fitting. None of mine fit and I don’t have to shop at Lane Bryant. A touch nervous to consider going into a Victoria Secret. Didn’t have a great experience with the last time.
  20. In the long run, I have no idea how this is going to end up. I just know that I want to say that I did my best, tried my hardest and loved the hardest.

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