I am annoyed

Can I tell you all about my birthday?

Good. Having a birthday just days before Christmas sucked. Never really had a party. Christmas break, most kids were not able to make it. Can not say that my family was any better about making some sort of a ruckus. Remember three parties growing up.

In the third grade, turning 10 was a big deal. Going to the double digits. Morning of my party, I woke up sick. Mom didn’t cancel, so friends came over. Ten minutes later I was blowing out the candles. Yea! Cough, cough, sneeze… While everyone was eating their cake I opened gifts. First time I ever remember getting money, a five dollar bill is a lot in 1990. Just as everyone is getting ready to go, the door bell rings and SURPRISE!! Pizza dude. Mom forgot she ordered. We ate pizza AFTER cake and that was it. Everyone left and I went back to bed. A few days later, on my actual birthday my favorite uncle bought me a ice cream cake. I was told that December is too cold for such a thing. He felt otherwise. That is why he was my favorite.

Another one was a surprise. Both of the other two were. I wasn’t surprised. Not sure what birthday the first one was for. The second was for my sweet sixteen. Some crap like that. I had to walk over to my friends house. Smart high school students parked by my house so I would not see the cars. The happy birthday sign was hung upside down and the cake was frozen. Not one person in my family came.

Needless to say, I am not sure if it is without prejudice that I have such bad or so few birthday memories. Years later, a cousin and I started a new tradition that has caught on. The pictures from my pimps and hos party are by far my favorite.

Now we are going to fast forward to today. Now, one day after the big day. For some reason I can’t explain, turning 35 is freaking me out. A number has never bothered me. Not like this one. Let us see what we can figure out.

I absolutely hate feeling this way.

Just feel like I am not where I thought I would be. Sad isn’t exactly what I feel. Can’t say that disappointed is either. Just … feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere. Not sure how…

… And I am not sure how to turn around or if I can.

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