I have had a bad day.

Let me rephrase that. This has been an interesting, emotional and spiritual. Don’t worry, I will elaborate.

This week was my nieces quinceanera. Sweet girl is now a woman. For various reasons I was unable to go. Life has a way of doing that. I was doing okay all day.

Went to Walmart and bought $1.00 jeans. It was great, getting a deal. Never bought jeans in that size. Figured that I could put them away for the someday box. After cleaning up, I decided to go ahead and try them on. HOLY CRAP!!?! They fit. A year ago, size 28 was tight. Today, my ass squeezed into a 18P. The new shirts are a 16-18. Like to see how much I have changed. Didn’t go to the plus size section for any of those items. Made me happy. 

While waiting at the store, this woman in the line in front of me starts yelling at the cashier. Systems were down and she was jerk about it. Downright crazy the way that women acted.

I’m all over the place right now.

For weeks, or car has been in the shop. As in anything, the sooner you book your flight, the Better the price. Having our car in the shop for two weeks, the bill is out of the … All you need to know if that it would be impossible to make it we had a car that was not ready yet. Having a engine rebuilt gets costly.

I was on the fence about it(the birthday party). I had not been in touch with them for years, and had not been invited to the other kids events. Sweet girl and I would have been able to go. I was not comfortable using the money my husband had worked so hard for to attend a birthday party. He offered. But paying off the mechanic is a priority. That way we can go visit during the holidays.

I was OK with all of this. Then the phone calls started. She looked beautiful. YOU should have been there. I am sick of explaining it.

Do not like the guilt trip.

I do not care about the sister that met a guy online, moved across the country to be with him and is now engaged.

I’m bitter. None of this group of people have talked to me in years. I lived with them for 5 years, raising their children until they were old enough for school. I was paid $40.00 a week to raise four small children. 14 hour days. They really got a good deal.

Years later, after I was diagnosed with MS, nothing. When I was getting married, none of them showed up. Not a call, card or FU. These people remind me of people I went to high school with. Fake smile, halfway hug and a promise to do lunch, which never happens and none of you care. 

I am not sure how to handle the guilt trip that is being shoved down my throat. I didn’t do anything wrong. No one cared about me attending the other three parties. Selectively choosing when it is okay to need me, whether or not my MS is bothering me, HELL! choosing when we are related.

I hate that I have to be the same, fat singles sister with no life, prospects or goals. If you came around more, you would know how much you don’t know. I don’t feel like I need to bribe loved ones to want to spend time with me.

Because if you don’t know, when will you get it…


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