So, husband is headed home and I am spending time with Granny. We get up early that morning and load into the car. It is babys day out OR good ol’ fashion retail therapy.
First stop, breakfast. Einstein’s Bagels. Granny gets a breakfast sandwich and I get my favorite thing there: Garlic bagel with Honey Almond schmere. Beyond tasty. Grabbing a bakers dozen for the road, we head to our next stop. Walmart. Problem, the place is packed. Not a parking spot, not one motorized cart, nothing. Darn. Onward. Go over to the grocery store. Not that much was needed here, she just wanted to check it out. Some cookies, salad and eggs.
At this point we’re on the other side of town. Might as well head to the other walmart. Luckily, we found a place to park and they had a cart. Head in, grab a cake and start wondering. Shoes, nah. Chips, yeh. Look at the clearance. Didn’t really pack anything for a funeral. Luckily there were a few dresses. Grabbed a black one and it looked amazing. Right length, conservative and classy. Not to forget, I looked amazing in it.
Side story. My Grandmother had a problem. She had over 60 pairs of underwear. All white. Well, almost. A long time ago, she let us all know not to buy her purple underwear, because every time she wears them she has an ‘accident’. Needless to say, whenever I was working at Lane Bryant and there was a purple pair on clearance, I would buy them for her. Just because I am sassy. Back to the panties. Her dresser is beautiful. It has six drawers, huge ones. Four of them are full of white cotton briefs. Like I said, she has a problem. A few years ago, she was talking about what to give to whom when she passes and I simply informed her that we will make roses out of her panties and hand those out.
Back to walmart. So, as we are looking at clothes for the funeral somehow we end up next to the underwear and socks. She heads straight over, grabs two packages of white cotton briefs and pauses. Looking at me, she asks if I need some. Being my grandmothers grandchild, I say yes. Find one in my size, not white but colorful. At that point we are done. Head to check out. Place everything on the counter, it’s all going great. Got panties, cake and a dress. My dress is the last thing she scans. For some reason it’s not working. An error code is showing up. Sweet cashier says that the only time she sees something like this happen in when it has been recalled. HUH?! A dress, recalled? So, I ask for an manager. Tell her what is happening, that I need the dress for a funeral and she goes to see what is happening. YUP, she comes back, informs us that the dress has in fact been recalled for safety reasons and they can not sell it. I beg, but too bad. Atleast tell me what dumpster you are going to throw it in. Defeated, we leave.
Head over to Kmart. They had decent parking and several carts. YEH! Inside we head in an both grab a cart. At this point, my legs are reminding me that I have MS. Jerks. Head around the store, grabbing candy, prescriptions and toilet paper. Check out the clothes, as we still need something to wear. My oldest sister called everyone and told them that red was Mikes favorite color, so wear it. HUH?! The only thing he loved besides food was the Colorado Rockies. Whatever. The selection is sad. Find a shirt that’s kind of red. More salmon then red, but baggers can not be choosers. Check out and we are done. Head to Sonic for some happy hour beverages before heading back.
Get to Grannys, unload the car and sit for a minute. Check the messages. 11 voicemails. All from my husband. CRAP! IS he ok?! DID the car EXPLODE?! Call him and it was none of that. He was half way home, stopped for gas and his card would not work.
‘Honey, we had this talk. That is why I handed you the checks. Incase something like this happened.’
At that point he tells me that he didn’t try a check because he didn’t know if it would work. INSTEAD he called people. Ended up having his niece western union money to him. He was sure it would be showing up any minute so he could get gas and oil. MEN! He refused to write a check. Sat there for nearly three hours because he didn’t know if a check would work. About 20 minutes later he calls. Got the money, filled the tank and oil, and was on the road.
Wait, there’s more…