that red shirt…

Once upon a time, back when I weighed way too much, my sweet grandmother did what any awesome grandma does. She ordered me some summer clothes that were big enough. Not going to share that number, just know it was a specialty catalog and somewhat embarrassing. Three of them, to be exact. A lilac colored one, white and bright red. Eventually, those other two (the lilac and white) died a horrible death. A nice way of saying, I have no idea what happened to them.

NOW, that red one. It has been with me a long time. Nearly eight years. Just guessing. LONG time in clothes time. Summer and winter, it’s worn a lot. Back when I got it, it was kinda loose. Nothing crazy, just big-ish. Over the last year, with everything that I have been through and all the weight I have lost, it still shows its ugly head. Slowly finds it way back into the dresser, slowly on to my body and starts with shaming me.

Crazy, I know.

Just that it has some comfort to it. Like a blanket. Or teddy bear. It’s my safe place. Have thousands of memories with it, in it and on it. Sounds bad, but there are paint spots from various adventures ….

Last night, I went through my closet again. Time to get rid of clothes. It is hard. Bagging up those jeans that were skin tight at a 28. My new pants are an 18/20!! Needless to say, the old ones don’t fit. Lots of clothes in the last six months have been donated to lots of people and places. New homes to a whole wardrobe. Several times. In all of that clothing donating, there are three things that I still have.

Four, actually.

First is that RED shirt. Huge as it is, I can’t bare to let it go. I can come up with reason after reason.

‘It’s too old to donate.’

‘Who would wear it?!’

‘What will you wear for pajamas?’

WHICH brings me to my second item. An old night gown. White, with the saying love you, love me all over it with hearts. Old, with paint and hair dye stains. AGAIN, I have had it for years. Only night gown that fit. Now that I think about it, there are maybe four night gowns that are the same size, in the same shape and not something I am willing to let go of.

dressITEM THREE: My beautiful wedding dress!!

I found the perfect dress when I was getting married, fit fantastic. LOVE that dress.

Tried it on last week. Ridiculous how big it is on me. Now, this one I am conflicted on. Not sure if I am willing to get rid of it. Great dress. Why would I keep it?! The dress doesn’t fit, I don’t plan on getting remarried and we have no children (not yet).

PLUS, do not get me started on the disaster that day was. Best part of that day was the man I got. Not a great memory. Plans to renew vows and have some amazing pictures is in the future.

Not sure I can bring myself to sell it, but do not know who I would give it too. I might be willing to donate. I am sure I am. Again, not sure who or how to do such a thing. Will look  more into that. Seems like it brought me just joy, it would and should do the same for someone else.

Let see …. number four. Three years ago, I bought these fancy jeans. WAY too much. Not really, I am a great shopper. BUT I did get $100 jeans for $19. Proud. Unfortunately they never fit. Tried them on about four months ago, and they fit. Loose, actually. NOT too big, just loose. Haven’t worn them more than three times since then. Don’t love them. Just can’t seem to get rid of them. I think it’s what they symbolize.

Heck if I know.


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