As the days grow warm, and the nights get short. I have no idea. Poetry is not my strong suit. Humor is.
What I am trying to post here something magical. Being that today is exactly six months from one of the biggest steps I have taken. I have to say that I am beyond proud. Being one of a zillion kids living in my house, it was easy for all those negative comments get to you. I prevailed, as best as I could, to become the strong, positive person I am. Humor kept me safe, hid any true fillings and eased LOTS of hard situations.
NOW, I can not lie. There are little things that still get to me. The things certain people do or say that hits the wrong way. Life. I digress. That is not what this is about. When I started this journey, one towards better health and a longer life with my husband, it was crazy sounding. I actually said years ago that I would never do it. SURGERY for weight loss?! LAZY! You can do it by yourself.
….. then the BUT happened …
One hot summer day, everything changed. Not for the better, or worse. Just different. Once MS is thrown on you, you’re kinda stuck. Not a lot of options. Just more of a ‘take this, don’t do that’ mentality. I will give you a few examples.
- Don’t get hot.
- Don’t get cold.
- Don’t sleep too much.
- Don’t wear your self out.
- Stop having fun.
- Don’t eat red grapes or peanut butter.
- Don’t forget to take your 34,271 meds three times a day.
- Don’t eat junk food.
- Don’t live your life.
- Don’t think you’ll work ever again.
- DO NOT rely on a man to care for you.
- ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVITLY DO NOT EVER CONSIDER HAVING CHILDREN!!!! EVER!!!!!!
Of course, there were the thousands of things that were never verbalized, just implied. Strong words from people who never had one clue what I was going through. Not for one minute. I remember, that horrible summer that I had all those years ago. Couldn’t see, could not walk and could not believe what was happening to me. My OLDER sister shows up one day, with a cane. SHE WAS SOOOOO PROUD of herself. She supported her sick sister. NOT REALLY. A hug was what I really needed, and all I wanted to do was beat the crap out of her.
but I didn’t.
FAST FORWARD …. A wonderful husband, better health and a new body. it is beyond weird.
When I started this journey, I was given a LIST of things that had to be done before it could even be submitted to the insurance company for approval. Lots of hoops to jump through. I was thinking ‘I can’t do this!! That will take forever!! My time is precious.’ I mentioned it to some woman I met once, and she told me that the time is going to pass anyway, why not have it be towards something. I did listen to her, and my three-month post op appointment was on the same day as my first appointment ONE YEAR LATER!! Still blows my mind.
I know this lovely woman. Years ago her health took a nose dive and the problems with that and her meds caused her to gain a lot of weight. Years later, she is as wide as she is tall. She has had three knees replaced in the last two years. Still taking lots of medications daily, just now there are new things. Like metformin and blood pressure meds. The extra weight is starting to really show the strain on her body. WELL when I had surgery, she watched and decided maybe it was a step she should take.
Six months later, she is done with all her required EVERYTHING …. when she let here daughters know she was thinking about surgery they are totally against it. Paid for a gym membership for her, got her new shoes and a train. Started taking her healthy stuff. At that point, since they were so against it, she told the DR that maybe she didn’t want to now. HER daughters are all three tiny. Like 5’5″ 97lbs. Each of them has had at
least three children and still look like this. I say this because I don’t feel like they really understand what she is going through on a daily basis. Anyway, I talked to her yesterday, and she was different. She told me that she had a DR appointment last week, and she has gained weight. Going to the gym three times a week is helping her lungs and heart, strengthening her hips and knees. But it can not control what goes into her mouth.
I don’t know what she eats, not saying it’s bad. But I do how hard it is. Weight loss is a long run, a marathon. Takes years and lots of commitment. Not something, after all those years being over weight that you can just say ‘ENOUGH!‘ and it is gone in the morning.
BACK to my friend. She said that maybe she needs to reconsider surgery. I told her my experience, and that it is a great tool when used right. Having all the help we can get is a good thing. PLUS if she can handle THREE knee replacements, this is nothing. I was not going to talk her into it or out of it. Just letting her know that she is supported either way.
The point of this, is that regardless of what I have heard, seen and read, I am proud of myself. I have set several goals in the last year that I have met. Emotional ones, physical ones and general ones. I have a list, of all kinds. Seeing how many I have checked off, seeing the amazing changes I have made, been a part of and witnessed makes me feel like a bad ass. Pardon my French. I absolutely love the look on my husbands face when he’s lost another pound. Years of crap slowing getting scrubbed off. The pride he has makes me feel like you could not believe. I always knew he was a rock star, it’s nice that he finally sees it too. BE STRONG, regardless of the bumps in the road. Remember someone loves you, and that you can do it!!